First, I began a search for the perfect picture...one that would encompass all the hopes and dreams, thoughts and emotions of past, present, and future - all the things that make up the "perfect" blog. I mean, if I'm going to put the time into picking out the colors and fonts, the template and the title, I better have a pretty good visual.
But I didn't find the perfect picture. What I did uncover today as I sifted through my iPhoto library was memory upon memory, feeling upon feeling, and insecurity upon insecurity, along with every joyful moment, weird moment, funny moment, and desperate moment that's been captured on film these past few years. The post-college years span single life, engaged life, married life, sad life, and happy life.
Up to this point, "grateful" isn't the first word I would use to describe myself. And yet, I know that in order to truly be content I must truly be grateful for the things that I have. So I look through all my photos...and I am grateful that I have such quality people in my life who have shared their hearts and souls with me. I am grateful that I have parents who have invested years of their lives into my well being. I am grateful to have traveled to Africa and Spain and Jamaica. I am grateful that I got to work at an amazing church with amazing youth and amazing leaders. I am grateful to have a husband who sticks by me through my two year old tantrums and my late night hyperactivity. And I am grateful for the little things, like tealights and cherries juice glasses and my "j" mug from Anthropologie...little things that make a big difference.
I've come to recognize that I'm more comfortable to dwell on the things gone awry and the experiences not actually lived more than I am to reflect on the beauty of my life as I know it - the blessings, the accomplishments and the overall good. I used to think of this as merely "maturity" and "growth" but see it today more for what it is - the fear of living a full life. What would it be like to live a full life? What if I learned to ignore my fears, unmet expectations, and insecurities and instead learned to embrace the good, the unknown, and the relationships that I have? There are a million adventures to be had...
Well, two hours later, I think I'm ready to publish my first post. See? I told you it takes a lot of effort...
song o' the day: GONE AWAY FROM ME...ray lamontagne
1 comment:
oooh, i'm so excited about this!! how amazing is cyberspace! can't wait to read about your heart. you are dear to me.
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